An Ordinary Day

Today I received a blast from the past. A huge, explosive, monumental kind of blast. The kind that knocks you to the ground, then repeatedly kicks you in the stomach.

I wonder what will come of this.

What will happen next? If I choose not to respond, will he disappear- never to be heard from again? I suppose that's pretty doubtful. After all, it's been nearly 10 years already. Though, clearly, he had nothing for me. Just need. Empty, desperate, incredibly transparent need.

What could possibly be going through his head?

Why now?

What exactly was the thought process that lead him to dig through tons of old e-mail addresses just so he could reach out to a person he had seriously injured nearly 2 decades ago? No apology. No explanation offered. Just "How are you?" - as if he really wanted to know.

Though my natural inclination is to ask the above questions on a loop in my head- I find that at the end of the day, I simply don't care to know the answers anymore. I don't want to know why. I don't want to have anything to do with this guy ever again.

I guess the silver lining here is that he no longer has the disastrous effect on me that he used to. Because the truth is, after I've had a moment to catch my breath, I will eventually get to sleep this evening. I'll wake up tomorrow, and go about another "ordinary day." And my life will keep going. Maybe that was the lesson I was supposed to learn from this. Maybe not. Or maybe I've just been presented with an opportunity to say something to him that I've never had the chance to say before.

I won't name him here. He doesn't deserve recognition. But he knows who he is.

To this man, if you're reading this- please hear me:

Enough. Let go. It's time to leave me alone now.